Mourning the breastfeeding relationship well never have.

With my first baby, we could never get a good latch. She just couldn’t transfer milk and would choke and gag at the breast. I pumped for her for a year.With my son, I was so hopeful we would have the breastfeeding relationship I’d dreamt of. And we did! For six weeks he nursed beautifully. But then he began to choke and gag and turn blue when nursing.Cut to now, and we find out that both of my children have a rare birth defect that causes them to aspirate. They can’t safely drink thin liquids. So now, here we are, with me once again connected to a pump, needing to add thickener to every ounce of milk to ensure it reaches my son’s belly and not his lungs.I’m sad. Making milk was one of the very few things my body just did well (I’m chronically ill and my body has failed me in a lot of ways). But my kids can’t nurse. My son will get breastmilk until he’s old enough for surgical repair (his sister will have her repair this summer at 3.5), and we’ll feed many other babies with my oversupply. I’ll learn to let go of the idea of nursing my babies to sleep when they’re fussy, and instead stroke my son’s hair as I feed him a bottle I pumped for him. It will all be ok. I’ll just wish it was different. via /r/breastfeeding https://ift.tt/0WdP5ux